YM778.TV Chapter 87 - Regret
One day you may feel it is okay to mourn
The childhood you lost
To the scorching flames of greed
Childhood that could have been painted
With colors of joys and love,
but dear heart try not to lose your adulthood
While mourning the childhood you lost once.
(Mourning thy innocence )
--- Long Jie
_
HE COULDN\'T DO IT.
At this point, he didn\'t even care for anything. He had never cared too much for anything anyway. Sure, he wanted to clear the mess he had made, maybe re-do or undo the morning, but at what cost?
He couldn\'t tell her the truth and lie? He couldn\'t lie to her. Ever. He was a liar, manipulator, and heck even a cheat to the world. But he was not to her.
He spent the day, driving around, analyzing the last conversation he had with his wife, and, at last, he went to his office. Sure, the news would reach his father --- the newly married couple were back at work. And it didn\'t take a genius to guess that they had argued. But he didn\'t care, never had, and never would. Long Shaoming wanted him to establish a good and harmonious relationship with Zhenyi for God knew which twisted game of his and he would be dammed if he let anyone use her as a pawn in their game of power and wealth.
The atmosphere inside his office was tense, his staff was so afraid of him that no one dared to enter his office. His assistant Gu Tian was surprised to see his boss at work as he was informed that the President wouldn\'t be in office for several days.
"President--"
Gu Tian knocked on the door twice and, entered the room to find the dragon spouting fire. Long Jie didn\'t even let him complete the sentence.
"GET OUT." Long Jie barked.
He was in no mood to talk to anyone, much less than work.
A little voice inside him kept asking—and what if it was the end of their marriage? The answer was always the same—she couldn\'t leave him; he would never allow it.
It was \'him versus her\' when it should have been \'them versus the problem\'.
After half an hour, he finally mustered up the courage to clean up the mess he had made and picked his phone and dialed a number. He still remembered the number by his heart. Apparently, Long Jie knew there was no chance in hell he was going to sigh in relief before making sure it was not the end of his new life that he had found with her, so he pressed the green call button.
Ring. Ring. Ring.
After three rings, his call connected, and came a shooting and warm voice.
"Ah-Jie" The voice called out as if he was waiting for his call.
"Greetings brother, "Long Jie said, unconsciously he straightened up a little.
Some habits were hard to forget no matter how long they had been since we last practiced.
" How are you, little brother?"The person on the other side of the phone asked in concern.
"Fine and thriving," Long Jie chuckled.
"And troubled." The other man continued. He didn\'t ask if Long Jie was troubled or not but there was a conviction in his voice.
"And troubled."Long Jie repeated and a light laugh escaped his lips and it surprised him as it was not a bitter laugh.
" And I assume it has something to do with your wife," the other person said and again there was a conviction in his voice.
"Indeed." Long Jie sighed.
Was there something he was not aware of?
The man sighed. "Didn\'t I tell you women are odd creatures that can prove every theory of mankind wrong? Us men can never succeed in decoding these strange creatures."
"What have you done Ah-Jie?." He continued.
"Why do you think it is me who has done something wrong this time?" Long Jie surprised himself by asking the question.
But why did his brother think it was him who had committed a mistake? Not that he had not, but it could be his wife.
"I just know it is you. Something must have happened in connection with the Long family," the other man replied.
"You are right. I made a decision and didn\'t inform her beforehand. And it triggered an argument. An argument carried into a fight and a fight into a full-blown verbal lashing." Long said recalling the words he had uttered. Only he knew how badly he wanted to take them back but a wise man rightly said the bow sped from the arrow and the words once spoken could never be taken back.
"And now you want to take back the words you said." Again a fact, not an assumption.
"I do, but I know that I can\'t," Long Jie sincerely told him.
Who didn\'t want to take back the words they said in haste? Sometimes, we say things we do not mean but it doesn\'t change the fact it doesn\'t hurt.
"Ah, regret. Tell me Ah-Jie, can your regret lessen the ache your words may have caused her? Let me tell you, It will not. Your words are more deadly than a bullet your gun carries. Your words have left your mouth and you can\'t take them back. But it doesn\'t mean you can\'t lessen that pain your words may have caused her."
"Regret." Long Jie repeated the word.
Yes, he wanted to take back his words. Was it what people called \'Regret\'? He had done heinous jobs and killed numerous times for money and power. Never had he once regretted it. But today, a few words he uttered in haste, in helplessness was the subject of his regret.
He had been wronged. Not once, not twice but several times. He didn\'t regret making the choices that destroyed him not now, not in his boyhood, but what changed today?
Regret.
The word \'regret\' had entered his life along with two others \'solace\' and \'home\'.
And he would be dammed if he let either of them leave his life.
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