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Chapter 349: Before the Grave

There was a quiet solemnity at Phecda Revolutionary Memorial Park. A few fresh flowers were placed before Xue Ba’s grave. Gu Jun placed the bouquet that he brought among them. He stared at the handsome face on the tombstone quietly.

“Captain Xue, thank you for everything that you have taught me.” He began softly. He knew that Captain Xue’s soul perhaps had already been drawn to become the servant for the Son of Misfortune and he would live out the rest of his non-life in that strange church... These thoughts caused Gu Jun’s brain to throb and he had to stop. It was probably the blood rushing to his brain. Gu Jun wanted to come pay respect to Xue Ba alone and to say his goodbyes but he was still trailed by a few members from Phecda. They were worried that he would need emergency rescue. It was January 26th. One week ago, Elder Tong hurried back from Russia. He explained to Gu Jun the test results and Phecda’s decision.

“Ah Jun, I understand what you feel...” Elder Tong sighed, “But such is life.”

Naturally Gu Jun had problems taking in this result. There was loss, depression and an anger that found no vent. When he woke up from the coma, he thought he’d jump right back into action. There were many things waiting to be done like the formation of GOA and the bridging of relationships with the Zoog tribes. He even contemplated a return to Dreamland. But now...

However, beneath the depression, there was also a sense of relief. He did not know what to think.

“Elder Tong, I’m fine.” He said at the time, “I’ve done everything that I could... To be honest, I’ve been meaning to take a break.” He laughed self-deprecatingly, “I was so busy that I didn’t have time for movies. I don’t think I can stomach that kind of hectic schedule anymore. Finally I am relieved from the heavy responsibilities! This is a good thing!”

“That’s true.” Elder Tong laughed along with him. “You’re essentially taking a paid holiday so enjoy it to your fullest! Take good care of yourself.”

“Of course... I’ll leave the rest to you...” Gu Jun did not know what to say next. There was only so much self-deprecating humor he could muster at the time.

Regardless, over the past week, he still attempted some unconventional treatment. After all, his state was undeniably unconventional. For example, the system in his mind disintegrated but it did not disappear. It remained in his mind as a ball of chaos. What kind of influence would it have on Gu Jun now? Was it an after-effect from him being once consumed by darkness? He had no answer.

Gu Jun’s first attempt was the spirit barrier technique provided by Deng Ximei. In essence, it was like a self-hypnosis method employed by the foreign civilization. A layer of conscious protective barrier was formed through technical meditation and self-imagination. Phecda valued this technique greatly because the spirit barrier had many uses. According to Deng Ximei, other than a shield, spirit barriers could help assist those suffering from mental corruption by transferring the corruption onto the barrier. The spirit barrier could take the form of a virtual self or a dreamed future or a valued past. This technique was extremely valuable to frontline fighters and it enabled Phecda to master yet another advanced psychological technology.

Phecda had already selected the first batch of members from the Spell and Ancient Seal Departments to train this technique. Lou Xiaoning and Uncle Dan were among the selected. None of the land’s travellers were picked for they already possessed a second persona. An additional layer of mental barrier would complicate too many things.

Gu Jun’s usage of the spirit barrier was for self-treatment. He used a dreamed future to construct a barrier to try to treat the avoidance symptoms. But before he could start, just from listening to the explanation from Deng Ximei, the headache returned. The first attempt thus failed. The second attempt the day after ended in failure as well. He could not reach the level of self-meditation needed for the construction of the barrier. His mind was too befuddled. It was like asking him to run 1000 km with leads tied to his ankles.

After the failure with the spirit barrier technique, Gu Jun turned to Ancient Seal technology, psychotherapy, Chinese and western medicine, and even prayers. None of them were effective. His hope was dashed one after another. In the end, Gu Jun had no choice but to accept this bitter result.

It was the 26th, there were not that many days left until the eve of lunar new year. Thanks to the recent peace, everyone was given a rare holiday to return home to their families but many were too worried about Gu Jun to abandon him at the headquarters. Knowing that, Gu Jun requested to start his holiday early. His intention was to leave before New Year so that everyone could enjoy their holidays without having him as a burden.

“Captain Xue, I’m going to leave this afternoon.” Gu Jun whispered to the tombstone. “I don’t know when I’ll be able to return.” He would return for his scheduled brain scans but his ‘official return’ was undated. He was barred from participation in both frontline and admin work. Even his request to transfer to the Recreational Department and Public Relations Department was denied. As long as it was within the scope of Phecda and GOA, he would be exposed to supernatural elements and information, and that went against his prescribed convalesce arrangement.

In terms of supernatural elements, he only showed a lack of intense reaction around Lucky. He still suffered from a minor headache but that was it. Perhaps it was due to the sweet dream connection he had formed with Lucky or the Zoogs themselves was a non-trigger for Gu Jun. Therefore it meant that Gu Jun would still sit in the meetings regarding the formation of an alliance with the Zoogs. But ultimately, the best arrangement for his situation was to remove him from Phecda and allow him to return to a normal life.

“Captain Xue, don’t be sad for me.” Gu Jun continued, “Compared to many others, I am already very lucky. Captain Xue, if you ask me, a hero like yourself deserves a better way to go than to succumb to a sudden misfortune and perish without causing nary a ripple...” He took a deep breath. It was hard to tell whether he was referring to Xue Ba or himself. “But this world is nothing but a vessel of regrets. Anyway, that’s all. I have to return to the hostel to pack. I’ll come visit you next time.”

Then Gu Jun gave a military salute at the tombstone before he turned to walk away.