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Chapter 13: It turns out that love hurts so much.

When Gu MengYang opened the door that morning, he was startled to find Chen Xiao standing there.

“Chen Xiao? When are you going to…..” The end of his sentence was blocked by the other’s mouth.

Chen Xiao held Gu MengYang’s head tightly with both hands to keep him from pulling away. He pressed his mouth heavily against his lips. First, he licked twice, then he slipped his tongue inside.

He counted quietly in his heart: 1, 2, 3, 4…..

On the count of five, he pushed away.

“Gu MengYang, I like you.”

There was no sound from the other side, so Chen Xiao repeated it again.

“Chen Xiao, I…..you wait first…..” Gu MengYang’s breath was coming a little quick. Chen Xiao didn’t know what expression was on the man’s face right now, because he didn’t dare look up at him. He stared at his toes, shook his head, and forced a smile to his face.

“I know, I know…..” He didn’t wait for Gu MengYang to stop him, taking two steps back and quickly closing the door behind him as he entered his place. The other man didn’t chase him.

He had pictured tens of thousands of confession scenarios, some cheerful, some serious, some a little sad, but could never have imagined such a mess as today’s. He slumped to the floor in misery with his head in his arms, feeling like his heart was just as empty as the wind.

Chen Xiao thought he should hide himself away, but didn’t expect that the first to disappear would actually be Gu MengYang. He hadn’t seen him since that day and his door was always closed. He even imagined, could Gu MengYang have moved away?

Luo Xin called and didn’t say anything beyond asking Chen Xiao if he wanted to move in with him.

Chen Xiao thought about it and said yes but they would have to wait a few more days.

Whether he could be friends with Gu MengYang or not, whether the other person hated him or not, he wanted to say goodbye, because having a good breakup and goodbye was his way.

Gu MengYang came back on the evening of the seventh day.

Chen Xiao was getting ready to go downstairs to buy something and, as soon as he opened the door, he saw Gu MengYang, who was pulling out his keys. The sudden encounter made both people a little shy. Chen Xiao couldn’t say a word for a long time. He had thought that, after these days of adjustment, he would be able to face the other very well, but when he saw that familiar face, his heart ached with an uncontrollable ripping feeling. It hurt and he just wanted to grab this man’s hand and stop him from leaving his side ever again.

Gu MengYang seemed a little haggard; there was stubble on his chin, who knew if he had shaved in days, and there were two big, black circles beneath his eyes. When he saw Chen Xiao, he was unable to hide his expression of surprise and grievance.

“Chen Xiao….” He approached Chen Xiao, his words soft and his voice a little hoarse, making Chen Xiao, in a daze, feel as if nothing had changed, that Gu MengYang was still his little slag man. “I’m back……I need to tell you something!”

“Well, I happen to also have something to tell you…..” Chen Xiao was afraid to look at him again, his eyes were aching as if something was about to flood out of them imminently.

“Then you go first.”

“…..I’m moving out.”

Gu MengYang couldn’t believe his ears, staring at him and asking dully: “Who’s moving out?”

He saw Chen Xiao looking at him with a blank face. He shook his head in disbelief: “Why do you want to….move out? Why?!”

“Why not, I’ve lived in this shithole for a long time. Luo Xin asked me to move in with him.”

“No way!” This was the first time Gu MengYang had ever yelled at him. The man wore a hurt expression and his eyes were red, “I’m not allowing it! I forbid you to move!”

“Forbid?! How can you forbid anything?!”

“Because I like you!”

Chen Xiao’s mouth dropped open and he stared stunned at Gu MengYang, just now he said…….that he likes him?

He had thought he would jump with joy when he heard this kind of thing, but the heaviness of his heart didn’t diminish at all, instead growing stronger.

“You obviously like me too, why are you suddenly moving out…..” The man from across the way seemed to be crying, with his lower lip clenched tightly between his teeth. He tried to reach out and pull him close, but he was rebuffed.

“Gu MengYang……you just walked away without a word, leaving me here alone, and now you suddenly say you like me? Are you just pitying me as an abnormal person? Even if you really liked me, did you ever think that since you didn’t let me say goodbye to you, maybe I wouldn’t even wait for you to come back……..? When you got back, it could have been to just an empty house, oh, or maybe you would have seen your new neighbor. Gu MengYang, I chased after you every time, do you know how tiring and upsetting that was?” Chen Xiao didn’t know whether to listen to himself or to Gu MengYang. In fact, he hadn’t said it but what made him the most agitated was that he wanted Gu MengYang to only look at him, only think of him. His love was too domineering and selfish, he was afraid that one day he would do something unreasonable because he was jealous. One day, those unbalanced scales would sooner or later make them both lose.

If, when they got together, they ended up apart…..Chen Xiao didn’t know if he could heal his heart after that.

He dared not look at the other’s pale face again, stumbling back and running home.

That night, Chen Xiao didn’t sleep at all. His things had been packed, piled up in the living room. He smoked one cigarette after another, until the sky was beginning to lighten. He seemed to hear someone calling him and he was wondering if it was just an illusion when he heard a gentle tap on the door.

He was shocked, then he sprang up and rushed to the door. It was really Gu MengYang calling him.

“You……”

Gu MengYang apparently heard his voice, tapping on the door more rapidly: “Chen Xiao, you open the door, listen to me well!”

Did he not sleep all night too?! It couldn’t be……he was standing at the door this whole time? Recalling Gu MengYang’s haggard face, his heart tensed instantly.

Gu MengYang was still whispering outside: “Chen Xiao, would you like some watermelon? I bought a watermelon and waited for you to eat it…… Chen Xiao, will you come over to eat dinner together…..?” The softer the sound, the harder it was for Chen Xiao to make out what he was saying. In the end, he could only catch the sound of the soft taps on the door, and then a pause.

“Chen Xiao…..I miss you, come out and let me see you…..”

Chen Xiao wanted to say ‘stop it, stop it’! But before he opened his mouth, with his lips pressed together, a “wuu” already broke free. All these years of grievance and loneliness, of so long not having his secret unrequited love and yearning answered, now he could finally stop trying to restrain his feelings, crying out like a small child.

Gu MengYang apparently heard Chen Xiao’s cry. He was first stunned and then vigorously banged on the door in a panic.

“Chen Xiao?! Chen Xiao!! What happened to you, you open the door!!”

Chen Xiao was still crying, once his tear ducts opened, they couldn’t be closed. With a runny nose, he tearfully cried, “Gu MengYang, Gu MengYang…..”

“……If you don’t want to see me so badly, I’ll never bother you again, but you open the door first! Chen Xiao, please, I’m begging you to open the door…..”

Chen Xiao wiped his face and he had just opened the door and poked out his head when he was pulling into a warm embrace by a vigorous Gu MengYang, clinging to him, so strongly that it hurt.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I really, really didn’t leave you….. Luo Xin said if I couldn’t make a commitment to you, he would take you away. I’m sorry, Chen Xiao….. I just went back and told my parents that I’m going to take you back there openly…… I don’t want you to be wronged, I’m sorry…… Don’t go……” Gu MengYang didn’t know what he was talking about anymore, just vigorously saying ‘I’m sorry.’

Chen Xiao stared in amazement. He had no idea Luo Xin said that to Gu MengYang. He felt a drop of water on his neck and he panicked: “Gu MengYang?! Are you crying?”

The man clinging to him shook his head so he rubbed against his neck, hoarsely saying: “No!”

“Fool! Idiot! Little slag man!” Chen Xiao sobbed back and hugged him, “Weren’t you going to tell me?! Don’t you know I was really upset?!”

The two hugged for a long time, then released each other and looked into each other’s red eyes and at their sloppy appearances from not sleeping all night. They pressed their foreheads together, giggling.

“Then what happened with you and your xuejie?!”

“Her boyfriend lives around here. When I ran into her, I talked for a while…..oh, so you saw it that day!”

“You said you had always liked her!”

“That was before! Chen Xiao, are you eating vinegar….?”

“How could that be! Hurry up and go cook!”

“Oh…..so fierce…. Look, I got hit by my ma…..”

“……you deserved it! You just went back alone! …….does it still hurt?”

“It hurts….. They told me to bring you back for the Spring Festival…..”

“……”

“Chen Xiao….. It’s hot today, can I come over and sleep?”

“No.”

“I don’t want to sleep on the floor, it’s hard. Let’s sleep together, okay?”

“…….are you even listening to me?!”

“Chen Xiao, you aren’t moving out, right?”

“Everything has been packed, why wouldn’t I move?”

“How could that be…….”

Let’s see you pretend to be pitiful! Let’s see you pout your lips! Let’s see you learn follow a bad example! Chen Xiao jumped up with an “ah” and pinched Gu MengYang’s face hard. The other side winced in pain but still let him do whatever he wanted and then smiled with a silly expression.

This guy was finally his, how could he not bully him?!